Ambition Without Apology: The Courage to Want More

Once you’ve cleared away what doesn’t matter, are you brave enough to pursue what does?

Saying No Was Only Half the Story

Last month, I wrote about how every ‘Yes” you say has a cost.  It costs you time, money, and even other opportunities.  

But when we say no, and narrow our options, it gives us the room for the bigger yes.  That thing that comes along and feels so important and just a little scary.  How we make these choices, and what we choose to put into the parking lot shapes the opportunities that we will find in the future.  

Another question to consider:

What are you creating room for?

It’s one thing to say no to opportunity.  It’s another to admit what we really want, and to go after it.  It requires even more courage.

I often talk about how the first thing that happens when you set a big gorgeous goal is that you feel afraid.  These goals make us feel afraid because they represent our ambition, our secret desire for our life.  And that means that we need to create the conditions where we are willing to claim the goal we are setting without minimizing, qualifying, or apologizing for it.

Why We Apologize for Ambition

This is where the “but’s” come in.  We wear many hats in the world: mother, daughter, caregiver, CEO, dreamer, and so many more.  We want it all.  And we try to be it all.  When it comes to our ambition, we’ve been taught that we shouldn’t look too keen, greedy, or open in our desire to chase big things.  But the truth is that as entrepreneurs, we are drawn to wanting something more.

Even those of us who are the most accomplished can soften our ambition.  Phrases like:

• I don’t need to build a huge company, but…

• This probably sounds crazy

• I know I should be grateful for what I have, but…

• I’m not sure I’m ready to say this out loud yet…

I hear statements like these all the time.  I’ve said some of them myself.  The juxtaposition of a woman who is incredibly driven but is also trying not to appear too ambitious.  So, we hedge.  We worry about appearing “too successful”.  We fear being too much.  We don’t want to be judged.  Perhaps we are simply afraid of what achieving the next goal will require of us.  Any way you look at it, we are holding ourselves back, keeping things close to the vest. This makes our goals a little less likely to be achieved.

Courage Comes Before Confidence

We all imagine that the women who achieve the biggest things have confidence that escapes the rest of us.  That they know exactly what they are doing, where they are going, and how they will arrive there.

I’m not sure that’s true.  I think we all struggle in the same ways – and that as we reach higher levels and set even bigger goals, these feeling persist even as we reach for more.

Often, we imagine that these courageous leaders feel confident about the big moves they are making.  I think the truth is a little more nuanced that that.  

Courage doesn’t require certainty. 

In fact, I believe that courage is deciding that what you want matters enough to move towards it before you know exactly how things will work out.  

At the beginning of Mabel’s Labels, we gathered one night to send out a batch of letters to our friends.  Asking them to support our about-to-be-launched business.  As we sealed envelopes and wrote personal notes, we opened a cheap bottle of champagne and toasted to our one-day IPO.  It was an ambitious statement.  And one that served as a thread through all that we did over the years of building that business.  

We didn’t wait until those ambitions felt reasonable.  We grew into the leaders capable of realizing it.

Bigger Ambition Requires Bigger Choices

Last month, I wrote about saying “No” to more opportunities than you can say “Yes” to.  Ambition is part of that, because once you get clear about what you really want, decision-making becomes clearer, faster, lighter.  You stop wondering if something is a good opportunity and instead can clearly see if the opportunity moves you towards the future you’re building.  In a sea of endless good opportunities gaining clarity and decision-making supports is so valuable and makes everything move faster.

It’s important to remember that you aren’t saying “No” because you want less.   You are saying it because you have decided what deserves your biggest “Yes”.

The Price of Owning What You Want

We all worry about disappointing someone.  A colleague, your mum, the person who has supported their own vision of what you are chasing – and so many more.  It’s time for us all to let go of that, in service of our ambition.

Other things that might be in the price? Investing before you feel ready.  Becoming more visible in the world.  Hiring someone who is better than you at certain things.  Letting go of things that have shaped you before now.  Taking the risk of failing publicly. Tuning out the opinions others have about your choices.  

Ambition has a cost. 

It is up to each of us to decide whether the life and business we’re building is worth it.

What Do You Want—Without the Disclaimer?

I will leave you with a few questions to contemplate where your ambition will take you next: 

What do you want?

And, what if everything works out? 

This is a place to avoid statements like:  but…, I should probably be happy with, I’m not sure it’s possible, and so on.

Once you’ve come to an answer that feels like a stake in the ground, review it.  Make sure that you’re writing it down without apology.

Remember, your next chapter doesn’t begin with your fearlessness.  It begins when what you want becomes more important than the fear.